What I learnt doing Crossfit....

1. Suck it up.

2. Always finish a workout - no matter how long it takes.

3. Because you can't do a specific exercise today, doesn't mean you won't be able to do it in the future.

4. Be patient with yourself.

5. Even if you can't see the point of all this training, persevere, it has great value.

6. Never, ever, ever compare yourself to anyone else.

7. Don't give up.

8. Suck it up some more.

Let me illustrate with a few examples:

1.  Sometimes when I started the class, after 5 minutes, I felt like I was done and ready to leave. Sometimes my head was just not in the workout and it felt like a tough day at the office - especially since the WOD was still coming up. But I've leaned to take a deep breath and just concentrate on getting through it. Quite often I've been amazed at what I've managed to achieve in that class, by sheer dint of will.....

2.  It's not easy being unfit, neither is it easy being the last to finish the workout.  But I found I could block that out, and get the job done. And I also found that I was not always the last to finish. Like running, you are in competition with yourself, but sometimes it's tough when all the times are written down on the board, and yours is the slowest. But I learned to control those feelings and thoughts, and that is a major victory for me.

3. I started doing overhead presses with a 15 lb bar.  When I first started, it was hard to even lift that overhead.  Today I can do 10 overhead presses in rapid succession with a weight of 55 lbs.  This took time, and sometimes I had to go back to the bare 35lb bar if my shoulder was bothering me. The point is, just because you can't do something today, does not mean you won't be able to in the future.

4.  As with everything, I want to see 'progress', and often expected to see big changes from one workout to the next.  Clearly it does not function like that.  It's step after little baby step.  To do knees-to-elbows, I needed to step onto a box to reach the bars, and could only hold on for 5 seconds at a time.  When you are doing a timed workout, those are valuable seconds wasted.  I don't know how it happened, but one day I was able to jump up and grab hold of the bars - without the box.  I was also able to hang on for 10 reps.  Slowly, I got up to 4 sets of 10.....naturally there were bad days mixed in too.  Developing this skill took time, and lots of patience, a lesson that will serve me well with running.

5.  Back-to-back half marathons with no running training (see previous blog posts). The crossfit naysayers are often critical of crossfit "because you are not training for anything". This is true.  However, I have also run half marathons with all the requisite running training, and found myself limping at mile 8, with so much ITB pain.  Now, although I had not done any running training, I did not have that problem, thanks to my strong back, glutes and thigh muscles, from all that lifting and squatting.....

6.  See #2. Initially I had a lot of that going on.  I went through periods of depression (or something like that), of asking myself whether crossfit was really for me, of wanting to be 10 years younger (at least!), of feeling like Sisyphus. But crossfit focuses on developing 10 key strengths, and as the workouts progressed, I was stronger in some skills than others - just like everyone else - and suddenly, it's more of a level playing field.  But the point is, I learnt to compete with myself, and only myself.

7.  The only reason I did not leave crossfit was because I had paid one year in advance - and it was not cheap.  I had committed to trying it for a year, and I was going to see it through. I did need a 2 week break after 6 months, but I went back. Even though money may have been the driver, if I had given up (and that temptation was ever present), I would have missed out on one of the most positive fitness experiences. 

8.  Crossfit = sucking it up big time.  Ok., when you are doing a 20 mile long run, you develop a mental fortitude to run through snow, rain, howling winds.  It's a bit different when you are doing a set of exercises that you are terrible at, and don't enjoy.  It's demoralising not being able to do a proper squat press, and it's hard to find the motivation (many times) to continue doing something you don't like. This will serve me well with running, so watch this spot!

As you can see, with one of our benchmark workouts, Helen, I posted a respectable 12:51. I was not the first, but neither was I the last (last group of names near bottom of board). As I write about crossfit, I am still going back and forth on whether to continue with this in 2014, and feeling torn....

Crossfit and Me or What I did in 2013

I cannot finish 2013 without a post on crossfit, because this was the year I started crossfit, in a desperate attempt to get fit again.  Over the holidays last December, I accepted the fact that running maybe once a week was not cutting the mustard, and that the joy of running was not scheduled for a return anytime soon.  I had struggled to acknowledge that for 2 years, possibly because running had been such a big part of my life previously. It governed what I ate, what time I went to bed, in short everything. Not running anymore left me with a void and lack of motivation, both of which seemed difficult to address. 

I started crossfit on January 1, 2013 with "Murph", or rather a variation thereof.  Having always loved doing circuits, this was enjoyable, and it was an easy decision to sign up for the Foundations Course.  Prior to starting cross fit, all athletes must do the introductory skill and conditioning 4-week training course.  I found it challenging, especially as there were 2 other rather fit, and extremely fit guys on the course with me.  Right from the get go I had to decide what I was aiming for with this course, as we were all at very different levels.  But it was also interesting to see strengths and weaknesses: cross fit is premised upon the idea that there are 10 areas of fitness we all have to work on:

1. Cardiovascular/respiratory endurance - The ability of body systems to gather, process, and deliver oxygen.
2. Stamina - The ability of body systems to process, deliver, store, and utilize energy.
3. Strength - The ability of a muscular unit, or combination of muscular units, to apply force.
4. Flexibility - the ability to maximize the range of motion at a given joint.
5. Power - The ability of a muscular unit, or combination of muscular units, to apply maximum force in minimum time.
6. Speed - The ability to minimize the time cycle of a repeated movement.
7. Coordination - The ability to combine several distinct movement patterns into a singular distinct movement.
8. Agility - The ability to minimize transition time from one movement pattern to another.
9. Balance - The ability to control the placement of the bodies center of gravity in relation to its support base.
10. Accuracy - The ability to control movement in a given direction or at a given intensity.

These are the key skills any runner or triathlete needs.  Furthermore, all this training is HIIT (high intensity interval training), and it's very hard to see the point of all this training because you are not training for anything.  I had numerous conversations with my coach about HIIT.  Apart from explaining the obvious - that you train at a high level of intensity, have a short recovery period and go again - and that this allows your body to get used to training at a high level and recovering quickly, it was very hard for me to understand the 'value' of what this meant.  After all, I was doing cross fit and no other activity.  However, the 'value' of all this HIIT training became immediately apparent when I was able to run back to back half marathons without any training, and without any injury or pain.  I was totally blown away - never in all my years of running was I ever able to do such a thing.  But this runners have been doing HIIT since forever - after all, what is fartlek, if not HIIT?

I won't lie and say that cross fit was all fun and games and that I enjoyed every second of it.  I found it tough - both physically and mentally.  Physically, because I was in such poor shape, and also it's tough being in a class with people who are pretty fit (and much younger!).  Mentally, because I enjoy the solitude of running, and do not function well in a group environment.  Having said that, the coaches I worked with are wonderful, and run excellent classes.  They were kind and patient with me, and my conditioning really improved.  My team mates are also friendly, sociable people - and therein lies the rub.  Much has been written about cross fit being a cult, and cross fitters socializing together etc etc.  Well, some do, some don't - but you can if you would like to.  And they are a great bunch to hang out with.  I did not need that, though this needs some clarification:  runners are different from cross fitters in that they generally eat everything but in moderation.  Cross fit eating is paleo - eating like one's paleolithic ancestors.

In all honesty, I have never adhered to any eating regimens having always been as thin as a rake.  I realize that now I can't eat any old thing, and just looking at cupcake makes me put on 10 pounds.  However, paleo was never going to be something I embraced.  I need to sort out my eating but what worked for me is the Mediterranean diet - I was probably not as fit when I lived in Europe, but I was the healthiest I have ever been, and weighed 119 pounds when we moved here  years ago. On the down side, I certainly could not do any pull ups, let alone deadlift 150 lbs (at the last attempt).  So this was another aspect of cross fit that I really struggled with as well.  Paleo or nothing.  But I will be the first to admit that perhaps I did not understand it well enough to make an informed decision.  Based on what I know works for my body, paleo did not seem like the option for me.

Many were the times that I wanted to give up, and questioned whether this was really for me.  I had signed up for cross fit 3 times per week, and sometimes found going 'hard' all the time just overwhelming.  The first time I ever cried was quite recently, and that was the day I wanted to walk out.  We had a double workout: so cross fit starts with 2 rounds of a warmup that in our class usually includes 20 burpees at the end.  This is followed by a strength training portion, and finally the WOD - Workout of the Day.  An example might be a timed workout, like the one below: 

One hundred double unders (or 300 singles if you can't do DUs), 50 hand stand holds, 40 toes to bar, 30 shoulder to overhead presses with rx at 65lbs for women (I do 55) and 90 ft front rack walking lungs (which I think means with the barbell racked and stacked against your chest).  For time means all out effort.  Alternatively you could have the same workout for 5, 8, or 10 rounds which means that you will do that set of exercises 10 times - however long it takes.  

At a certain point we started doing double workouts: 

I won't go through it all, but as you can see we do 40 burpees in the first round plus all the other stuff. The day I felt like walking out, and was actually crying was the day we had a whole lot of other stuff, plus 120 burpees. But it was also a turning point - in what universe had I ever done 120 bupees?  And I certainly could not have finished them without the support of my team.  So cross fit is good like that.  It pushes you beyond your boundaries and far beyond what you imagine you are capable of.  I would go as far as saying that it trains both body and mind.  

For every positive there is a flip side negative and vice versa.  With cross fit it is no different.  It is addictive, and I have been thinking of trying something else for this very reason.  It is unlike anything else I have experienced to date, and I am going back and forth each day as to whether I should leave next year or not.  I don't like the feeling of being addicted to something.  But if it's good for you, how can it be bad, right?  However, it also takes a lot to stay in that environment, especially if your natural default is not a group.  It also takes a lot to identify your goals and why you are doing cross fit and stick to those.  I had no particular goals this year, I was just in a desperate situation.  Still, I did start developing those over the last 3 months of the year, and even then, I found it hard to keep those in mind when I was struggling to do 30 burpees.  

The jury is still out, but I am considering other options, as I would like to focus a lot more on my running next year.  If anyone else has tried or is doing cross fit, I would love to know what your take is…..

Lessons in Running.....

Let's start with Saturday's long run. It was supposed to be 14, I ended up doing 10. It was painful, I was tired and I just ran out of steam. It is one of the worse (if not the worse) run I have had to date, as I always finish my long runs, even if I have to struggle through them. I was disappointed in myself and disappointed in not finishing it, but there you have it. It was a bad one.
I thought about it a lot on Sunday, and decided that not every training session works out, but that there is a lesson to be learnt in the ones that don't work out. For example the Friday 'tempo' run which I did with my colleagues was really quite challenging for me, as it started off at quite a strong pace. But it has also made me realize that if I want to improve a bit, perhaps I need to occasionally run with a group who are quicker than me. That is something I need to force myself to do, because it would be like Waiting for Godot if I waited until I 'felt' like it.
The second lesson was in Saturday's long run. Should I have just insisted and do a run-walk finish, or even just walk 3 miles and run the last one? Well, all good options, but I stopped - now let's move on. I listened to my body (as everyone has been telling me, and reinforcing my belief anyway). I felt terrible and in pain. I rested, and my next long run will be better.
My interval run last night was pretty challenging. Again, I was out of my comfort zone, and quite a few times felt like crumpling up in a heap. I think this programme is quite good, even though last night I did have a fleeting doubt. Every workout pushes me out of my comfort zone, and it feels like it's an effort. And that is what I need to work on - so I have started doing my circuit training again to build some stamina.
I have also discovered a most wonderous thing:  this Kefir drink is delicious- the only down-side is that it has 21g of sugar!

I suppose one should drink sparingly, but it is really good!  And what better way to watch the pilot episode of the new Hawaii 5-0, than drinking a glass of this.  Now personally I think Jack Lord was just too hunky and classy to have any pretenders to the throne.  That being said, last night's pilot was passable.  It is certainly the best police series on telly at the moment.  The atrocious rubbish that is on is just mind boggling - no wonder Dexter reigns supreme.  In all fairness, I am not sure if I can give a good assessment yet, as the build-up to last night was so heightened, that I suspect nothing can really live up to the original.  I will definitely watch a few more episodes, and see if they can stand on their own.....  Meanwhile thank goodness Dexter is back on Sunday.......

Friday's tempo run on Saturday

Saturday:  Tempo Run

1 mile E: 11:31

2 mile T: 9:47

3 mile T: 9:31

4 mile E: 10:21

Total: 40:30

Many, many thanks to Johann, The Yogi, Beth and Frank for your encouraging words on my last post.  I had lost a little perspective on the whole training thing, and I was especially concerned about the quantity of miles I have been running.  Week 7 is almost at the halfway mark, and since it took me a while to get my head into the programme, I felt a bit panicky that I may turn up on 21 November and find that it was just not enough.
Since then, I have tried reading a bit more around Matt Fitzgerald's work, and since today's run was a tempo run, I found the means to renew my faith in the programme with this great article from Runner's World.  Indeed, today was really good.  I put my back into it, and was pleased with the result!  I am starting to see how quality sessions make you feel better about your training, and you can see the improvement if you continue.  Since I have never actually followed a programme of any sort, this observation is consistent with what all of you have said in your comments.
Well then, I am going to stick with this programme, and work at it.  I am quite curious to see the results in November.  Initially, when deciding on a programme, I almost went with Tim Noakes's Lore of Running programme.  Tim Noakes was at my alma mater (and might still be), and is a guru in the art of running.  I chickened out of following his programme mainly because Tim has you running for periods of time, rather than numbers of miles, and I did not feel a confident enough runner to do this in preparation for a marathon.
Still, the book is phenomenal.  I have a tatty, old third edition (1991), but it is revolutionary, considering what he said during the 80's is what people like Matt Fitzgerald are saying today.  There are definitely some chapters that I will be re-reading as this book is really worth it's weight in gold.  Who knows, one day I might be daring enough to give one of his programmes a go!

Pushing through and forgetting about the crocodiles....

Today was my 3.5 m Easy + 1 m @ level 7 run. Since we had quite a few errands this morning, I went out around 6 this evening, when it was 80°F (around 30°C). Oh, it was a hot and humid struggle. I managed the 3.5 miles in 37:08 at a pace of 10:37, not without a great deal of huffing and puffing, and a few rests in between. I got back home to do the last mile on the treadmill. I do not yet have the 'legs' to run at level 7 for a mile consistently on my own, so the treadmill is a good training tool in helping me build up the endurance needed for that pace. Even so, level 7 was just a wee bit too fast as I felt a bit knackered, so I did the mile in 9:13 at level 6.5. My total time for 4.5 miles was 46:21 and the breakdown turned out to be:

Mile 1: 10:23
Mile 2: 10:40
Mile 3: 10:54
Mile 3.5: 10:22
Mile 4: 9:13

When I run outside, I usually run sans ipod. However, I took my ipod with me today, and whilst I would prefer to run without it, as it is quite hard for me to override the uncomfortable sensation of running slowly, I thought it was worth a try to attempt to get the right beat. I started with Come on Baby Light my Fire and ended with Asereje. It's ok, but I am not easily distracted by music when I run outside. On the treadmill it's fine, as I really think about the songs, whereas outside I actually concentrate on the matter at hand! Still, I am going to try this a few times and see if this actually has an influence on the quality of my running.

Stuart went out for a run as well, and naturally we were starving afterwards. I had not prepared anything before hand, and needed something quickly. Step in Trader Joe's Meatless Meatballs. This is a lifesaver! These meatballs are pre-cooked, so all I needed to do was to make a quick tomato sauce, and add the meatballs. I left to simmer for about 15 minutes and everything was ready in 30 minutes. I started boiling the whole wheat pasta when I added the meatballs. It usually takes around 12 minutes as whole wheat pasta takes a few more minutes to cook. Strain, add to the sauce immediately, and grate the parmesan cheese (takes me about 2 minutes to grate enough for both of us), and voila' it's done. A glass of Bordeaux, and we had a very yummy dinner.

Serving Size 6 meatballs:
Calories 140 Calories from Fat 50
Total Fat 6g 9%
Saturated Fat 0g
Cholesterol 0mg 0%
Sodium 560mg 23%
Total Carbohydrates 8g 3%
Dietary Fiber 4g
Sugars 1g
Protein 16g

I think these meatballs are actually quite amazing.  They are delicious, very healthy and you can whip up a great meal in 30 minutes.  We have a very small freezer, so I cannot make a few meals and store them, but I am going to try and make a batch of this, some ragu' and some pesto tomorrow.  That way, I only have to boil the pasta if I don't feel like cooking.  Have a great Sunday!

The wages of processed foods are......not pleasant

I have done a very silly thing. In an effort to vary my diet, and still eat healthily, I turned to the Weight Watchers products this past week. I used to share a house with a woman who was on this system, so I got to know how it works quite well. I have also read a few peoples blogs who also follow this system, so I thought I really had the hang of it.
I bought a load of WW cheese (hey it's only 1 point), snacks (which were awful as they were full of aspartame) and other stuff which was all low-calorie and low in points. I ate this stuff for a week, and on Saturday, I started feeling slightly ill. Nothing serious, just a really dry mouth, heat waves sweeping over me and feeling out of sorts, like being in a sugar overload. Come Sunday and I was in full crisis.
Clearly I do not want to blame the WW products. I still eat pizza, and come Thanksgiving, I become a glutton with the Whole Foods blueberry pie. I think however, the problem came with the QUANTITY of processed food I consumed this past week. Most of my food is eaten raw, and this sudden overdrive of sugary 1 point treats left me tired, cranky and wanting more. Sunday I was just violently ill, and today was not much better. When I got home, rather than having some Finn crisps with WW cheese, I had them with proper Brie. Nothing too dramatic happened. However, all this has been a serious lesson to me - indeed my eating habits may be boring, but it is the perfect fuel for me. I do not want to go through this again, and I can say that it will take a lot to tempt me to eat something processed!
I was lucky in that Saturday was a rest or a cross training day. Because I felt so terrible, I had a rest. I do not know by what miracle I managed 6 miles on Sunday, but manage them I did. Clearly they were not the best 6 I have ever done, but I am still on track with my training. Thankfully today was also a rest day, as I almost left work at lunch time. But I stuck it out and things have slowly started improving. Tomorrow is 4 miles with 6x30 sec repeats. I am doing this on the treadmill, but I am determined to do it - even if I have to split the session in 2. Has anyone else had a similar experience?!

Boston's Race to Remember - half marathon

                                          (photo courtesy of race website)

Yesterday, Sunday 30 May, I ran my first official half marathon.  My previous 2 were run on my birthday, and on World Run Day, and rather than pay the fee for an official race, I donated the money to charity instead.  Admittedly I had not done much training for the race on Sunday, and I had signed up for it about 2 weeks ago, in the hope that it would inspire and push me to challenge my limits.  I do not recommend this to anyone, as this is a terrible strategy, but I desperately needed to do a race, which would make me feel that anything is possible.  I managed to get in a couple of early morning runs,  and 2 long runs of 8 and 11 miles respectively.  No hills, and no fartlek training.  My goal was to run, and finish the race.
On Saturday morning Stuart and I drove down to the Seaport World Trade Centre to pick up my race number.  There was a small expo, and a huge crowd of people.  On race day, there were more than 8000 people.  We also signed up as bone marrow donors, and were entered into the international database.  this was something that I had been thinking about for a while, and had already discussed with Stuart.  Both of us were blood donors, but after the BSE or mad cow disease in the UK, Stuart was not allowed to donate anymore.  On moving to the US, the same is true.  Since we have both lived in the UK and Europe (which had both BSE and TSE), the US will not accept us for fear of variant CJD.  So it was really good to have the opportunity to register on Saturday.
I wanted to run in shorts yesterday, but opted for capris at the last moment, and I think it was a wise decision, since I like to cover up when it is particularly hot.  The best running decision I ever made, was to wear my Camelbak 1.5L hydration pack.  I usually drink a lot, and the weather has been rather warm here in Boston - on average around 80°F everyday.  Well, Sunday morning, Stuart drove me down to the  race start, arriving around 7:30ish, and already it was 84°F!  After the national anthem, we were off.  I stood near the back, since I knew my pace would be around 12m/mile.  By the time we set off, I was already sweating profusely.
It was a hill start, and we ran over a bridge, then another.  I had a few quick sips of water after that, and heard people asking when the water stop was coming up.  The first one came up around mile 2, and there were so many people just standing there, drinking.  I ran on, towards another bridge....Boston really is quite hilly!  Anyway, at this point the sun was beating down mercilessly, and people had started walking.  I passed a few, and then we over the Longfellow bridge, down Memorial Drive and continued to Harvard University, before doubling back, this time cutting through Back Bay, passing Boston Common, up down Commonwealth Avenue, and back to the start/finish.
The highlight of my run, was on the way back up Memorial Drive, as I neared Harvard Bridge and looked up, I saw Stuart standing there.  It was so unexpected, that that, and a combination of the incredible heat, made me burst into tears!  Let it be said, it is hard to run, cry and breathe at the same time!  It stopped as suddenly as it had started, since immediately beyond the bridge, was another hill.  All in all, I counted around 5 water stations - too few for such a hot day.  I stopped a couple of times to have some gatorade, and throughout the race there were people who were collapsing with either heat exhaustion, or a liquid overdose.  I guess it must be quite difficult to know how much to drink at a water station, especially when your internal thermometer has gone haywire.
The miles flew by.  I did not suffer, I just got through them.  One after the other.  I knew I did not have a hope in hell of picking up the speed, but that was not what this race was about.  I ran all the hills, and yes, it did feel good passing all those people walking up them.  Sure, some of them eventually sped past me, but that was fine.  I truly felt that I ran my own race.  Around mile 11 my hip joints started feeling a bit achy, so I walked for a bit, had some gatorade, then ran on.  At mile 11 and a half they felt seriously achy, and I thought of Paavo Nurmi's quote on my blog - the bit about muscles being bits of rubber.  Well rubber bounces, just like muscles  and nothing can really happen to them.  I am not running fast enough to injure anything, so why stop?  That got me to mile 12.
The last mile my darling pussycat Mr Jones, got me through.  Stuart had recently taken a day off, but had a conference call with Geneva.  He went into the bedroom to take it, and closed the door shutting out Mr Jones and Toffy (our other pussy).  Naturally Mr J. wanted to get in and no amount of coaxing could get him to stop trying to open the door.  Not even an offering of catnip.  He looked at it, licked his lips and turned back to the door.  That will power and determination was amazing to see.  He wanted Stuart - nothing else.  Well, I thought, if he could do it, so can I.  And I breezed through mile 13 and the point 1. I crossed the finish line in 2 hours and 40 minutes, and I was so pleased that I had started and finished this race!  There were  no more medals, as they had taken entries on the morning itself, and had therefore run out.  Hopefully they will post me one.
After a bottle of water, and some stretching, I took a leisurely walk to the T, and went home.  After a shower, a banana and 2 boiled eggs, I fell asleep.  Afterwards I read on the race website that someone had moved some of the cones, so that the runners missed a water stop.  There were other snafus as well, and these are currently being addressed by the race director.  Well, today saw a nice walk as my hips are still a bit stiff, but I am hoping to go for a run tomorrow morning!    More about the race nutrition in another post....I am in need of some more rest....

An average autumn Saturday afternoon in New England

Yesterday I went out for a 14 mile run. In the morning I bit the bullet and decided to go with the Garmin Forerunner 405. Actually the decision was sort of made for me, and I went with it. Given the idiotic letter I had received from Garmin vis-a-vis George Hincapie, I had decided to try Polar first. Well the shop I went to yesterday did not have any more GPS Polars in stock, and since I did not want to spend hours trawling around the shops, I went with the Garmin. I decided to sort all the mechanics out on Sunday.
Saturday was a windy day. The temperature was around 57°F, and the real feel was 37°F, with the wind at 30mph. Autumn weather can be quite difficult to run in, as I never seem to get my clothing right. As soon as I set off, it was so windy that I had to turn back and leave my hat with the concierge at home. Setting off the second time, I had to stop after half a mile as I was baking. Thankfully I had a sleeveless top on underneath. That being said, it did feel a bit brisk at the same time. And so it continued, past the Museum of Science, until I started down the opposite side of the river.
It was so windy, I could not breathe, and I could not see. My nose started running, my eyes were streaming and I had to stop several times just to catch my breath. Yup, it was then that I had a total recall.....not only did I remember what Hyannis was like when I did the 10K this past February, but I also remembered running last winter and just how cold it was!
On and on it went, and worse of all, I started feeling light-headedly hungry! I suppose a cream cheese bagel for brunch is not sufficient fuel for a long run. Thank goodness for GUs, but there was no instant magic. It took a few more miles of agony before I started feeling ok again, and at this point I had reached with blustery side of the river again. Anyway, I finished the run, but it was a wake up call.
What possessed me to sign up for a February marathon in New England? The upside is that these runs in this weather will allow me to be better prepared, but the enormity of what lies ahead has finally sunk in. I arrived home in pain, my ears were ringing and I was frozen to the bone. But after a hot shower, all was right with the world. It was a great run, and I enjoyed it through thin and thinner!

ps. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I did not enjoy the run whilst I was doing it. I struggled with it, I suffered through it, and just hoped that it would end soon. I think the 'joy' came afterwards - joy at having finished it. But it was a lousy run, and I was disappointed in how slow I was.

The sounds of silence

Today was supposed to be a 6 mile run. Well, I thought I had time on my side since the clocks had gone back an hour, and piddled around for a bit. I then had the brilliant (but ill-fated) idea to try and find a 6 mile run on www.mapmyrun.com. Well as these things go, there is no such thing as a last minute 'find'. Half the battle is preparation - triathletes tell you that all the time. I know the drill all too well - prepare your stuff a few days before, practice T1 and T2. Lay it all out the night before, make a list, check off the list, re-check one last time in the morning. So paranoid am I that I take 2 pairs of running shoes, and a lot of extra clothes 'just in case'.
Unfortunately I seem to have slipped into some bad habits with running. No such care or preparation is taken, and this morning the chickens came home to roost. Flapping around wildly, I called to Stuart for help. I suddenly found that I was short of time, and since I had an appointment at 1pm, time was starting to slip away. Naturally I was not happy with the routes Stuart found me, and huffing and puffing I went off to do the run downstairs on the treadmill.
Got there, put on the ipod - only to find that it had discharged! I felt like running back upstairs, saying that it just was not the day, and leaving the run till tomorrow. But then I thought about the god of my running universe - Paavo Nurmi. He certainly did not run with ipods or any such items. He ran in silence - the silence of the Finnish forests. So I started running.
I have run without music (I only use it on the treadmill anyway), but today was different. It gave me an hour to think about Paavo Nurmi. So the first time I ever heard about this running god, was when I was living in Italy and used to read the Italian equivalent of Runner's World - Correre. Correre ran quite a few issues on Paavo Nurmi, concerning his spirit, his training and his ability to run like the wind. The thing that always struck me was that he would run for miles and miles in the dark, and he enjoyed running through the silent forests best. Always alone, always in silence.
Since I had never run alone, let alone in the dark, I could never really understand it. OK, so even now I have not yet run in the dark, and am not sure that I ever could, but I have finally run alone. It is a wonderous thing, and as I stated in my previous post, last Sunday I felt like I could still go strong after my 9 miles. To me that is being in the zone, not just hitting that sweet spot because I had a good run.
I have read other blogs where people say that running on a treadmill is boring. Well, that's just because the mind has not yet transcended the boundaries of the gym. You run with your mind, the feet action is a biomechanical motion. When I run outdoors I enjoy the sun, the wind or the snow on my face. I love saying hello to the doggies I pass, I try and greet other runners, but they do not do that much here in Boston. I enjoy my run in a different way. On the treadmill I think about my form, running up the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art (yes, just like Rocky), my upcoming races, and the songs on my ipod. It is never boring. And on the rare occasion that I run without my ipod on the treadmill, then I think about Paavo Nurmi and imagine that I am running through the cool Finnish forests - hell, sometimes I even dream that one day I will go to Turku and run through those very same forests - there is no reason why I couldn't.

Mental endurance or mental strength?

I had a pretty difficult week at work. As a result I only trained once - Thursday night when I went swimming. I was surprised at my reaction, because I never allow myself to 'give in' to circumstances. That does not mean that I am immune to negative events or circumstance, but I try not to be swayed by them, and see them as the obstacles that they are - simply obstacles. I think that I am quite adept at compartmentalising my work life from my personal life, and this is quite helpful in keeping me focused on what is really important in my life - my family. Challenges are only challenges because you THINK you cannot overcome them, has always been my philosophy. Admittedly I have not always understood what that means, but I think I may have finally worked something out!
Things have been rolling along nicely with the tri training in general. I have cut down on the running, and do not race on Sundays anymore, as I am trying to develop my cycling and swimming skills. I usually look forward to my sessions and often manage to run in the mornings, and either swim or bike in the afternoons. Mind you, I use the stationery bike, as proper rides are reserved for weekends when I have more time.
Given all of the above, when I think about mental strength, I first thought it meant having the determination to set and see through your goals. In this case, the training was necessary, and getting to each session was a necessary step to achieve the bigger goal or a race or a tri. My week at work has made me think a bit more about what this means, and how this translates into my tri training.  All desire to train vanished this week, and I felt a bit tired mentally.  Logically I was able to understand what was happening at work, as just that - processes which I was unable to control.  Yet I allowed myself to become mentally fatigued.  It also made me wonder about whether I need to develop more mental strength or endurance.
The Oxford English dictionary defines Endurance as "the fact or power of enduring an unpleasant or difficult process or situation without giving way" whilst Strength is defined as "the emotional or mental qualities necessary in dealing with situations or events that are distressing or difficult".   I think that I was able to understand and deal with the issues at work in a way which makes me think that I am clear on the mental strength side.  Endurance though, seems to be another story.

Historically 'endurance' has always been associated with martyrs and saints (who have endured endless suffering and torture).  The other context has been associated with women, slaves, the poor etc who have 'endured'  all kinds of horrors.  True, they may have overcome in the end, but meanings associated with 'endurance' seem to suggest a kind of passive acceptance, of holding on through thick and thicker.

I understand that this is a more complex issue than that which I am focussing on, but 'endurance' has not been one of my favourite things.  Strength has positive connotations which somehow endurance has not quite managed yet.  Whilst it is also true that words can become pejorative over time ('sods' no longer refer to the earth, but to unpleasant beings) or completely change their meanings ('gay' is rarely used to indicate happiness, 'booty' is no longer a pirate's stash of gold).  Why am I telling you all this?  Well maybe 'endurance' means something a bit more than enduring ultra distances, unpleasant people or difficult situations. 

In thinking a bit more about mental endurance, I think the key lies in the second part of the definition "the power of enduring....without giving way".  I am not sure if I would interpret that as blindly sallying forth even under difficult circumstances, getting the training in even if it is not of a good quality.  But this week I realised that mental endurance is an aspect of triathlon training that needs to be developed along with bike technique, faster swim times and more powerful runs.  How exactly I set out to do this, is the topic for another post.

Mixing it up a bit....

Things have been a bit slow lately. The main reason is due to me feeling slightly exhausted! I miss my races, and I miss the excitement, anticipation and agony of wondering whether or not I have improved my time. Most of all I miss running in the cold wintery mornings with the rest of the New England running tribe.
There is something quite special about running in a proper winter. When I was running in Italy, it seemed so absurd the first time I bought a pair of running tights. They were black, with light blue stripes at the bottom, and silver florescent lines running down. The novelty of the item when I first wore them! This was about 12 years ago, and the winters in Tuscany were so mild, that it seemed almost ludicrous to wear them. In fact, I can almost count on my fingers and toes the number of outings these tights had in total. It was far better to run in shorts and a singlet - even in winter.
In Geneva the tights were relegated to a downstairs wardrobe. The sous-sol or basement is where we kept all our clothes, and I had a wardrobe dedicated to unused compression shorts, old university college wear, rugby jerseys, feather boas and evening bags. Yes, a weird collection of stuff, including a t-shirt that I have worn since I was 10 (it still fits me) and which explains what a "NewYorkasauras" is on the front. Mixed in with all this were the tights. Then too I had no reason to wear them, as I had stopped running by then.
When we moved here, I held out for as long as I could, and ran in shorts up until the end of December, when finally I was forced to hunt out these tights. It was so cold here, it was painful just breathing! I felt a bit strange wearing them, as I had never had the "right" weather for them, but half way through my run, I realised that finally the tights were coming into their own - they were being used in the "right" weather.
Indeed, they have come in very useful, and are currently being used on cycle outings. I really should get a decent pair of biking shorts, but I have been just too tired to do anything. So in the spirit of mixing things up a bit, and getting going again, I gave myself and my blog a little makeover: my blog got some flowers and champagne, and I am going shopping with Pata for bike accessories. The second part of my makeover is that I hope to move past this tiredness and start enjoying the swimming and cycliing as much as I do running.
I suppose at the moment it is bit difficult given the fact that I spend large amounts of time feeling terrified! I suppose that does rather drain one of energy, but this feeling will not last forever....that I know for sure!

Mind is Everything - Paavo Nurmi

A few days ago my question was "How the hell am I going to run 6 miles on Sunday when I am struggling with 2?" Well, I found the answer today - you run 6 miles with your head.
I spent most of yesterday thinking mostly about Paavo Nurmi - the person whom I revere as the god of my running universe. Those are his words which grace the top of my blog: "Mind is everything: muscle, pieces of rubber. All that I am, I am because of my mind". This is something all runners know - but it is really hard to remember that when you are having a difficult moment. It is hard to overcome what Lasse Viren calls "the barriers of the mind". It is so much easier to give in to the discomfort and pain. But how to wrap your mind around it?
I often think that running is about paying tribute to the spirit. Firstly your own, and then to all those who came before you. I felt that the issues I was facing were mind-related. Having established that, I felt grateful that I had no muscular or joint issues, given that, I could actually try out this running-with-your-mind business.
I felt washed out on the starting line in Hyannis this morning. It was a cold grey day with showers threatening on the horizon. The 10K, half marathon and marathon all started together and there were sections of the start sectioned off according to pace. I made my way towards the back of the 9 minute mile section, where I was joined by a few of the other Luna Chix.
I thought I would start out slowly and then step it up at mile 5 if I was feeling ok. However, as soon as I started running, my mind drifted to Paavo Nurmi. This was no time to pussyfoot around, so I stepped on it. And ran and ran and ran. Today I ran to the best of my current ability. I ran the fastest pace that I could and never did I even think of slowing down. In the end I ran the 10K in 58:39, giving me a pace of 9:27. I placed 203 in a field of 444 runners, and I placed 14/39 in my age group.
I could not feel my legs when I crossed the finish line, and I now not only felt completely washed out, but brain-washed out too. I picked up my medal and went for a lovely choclately doughnut, cortesy of Dunkin' Donuts. I am happy with what I did today. It's not the best performance I've ever had, but I would like to think that today I ran with my mind - my legs merely complied with the motion.