Taking a deep breath....

At the beginning of the year I had all these ideas and running plans for 2010.  Thus far it has all been very topsy-turvy.  We are at the start of March, and I have not even started on any of the (running) events I was so enthusiastic about last year.  If I am honest, I believe that the main reason for this is because I have decided to get the job that I want, rather than accepting a compromise.  Up until now I had been getting along nicely, not in the job I wanted to be in, but I made the best of it, and am enjoying it.  However, it is not what I am meant to be doing.  How is it possible that I learned to ride a bike and overcome my fear of deep water (at least for a short while) to do a triathlon, yet I cannot summon my energies and focus to do the same in my job search?

This time I deliberately stopped running.  I am doing a race on Sunday, and I am looking forward to it immensely.  But I am also looking forward to running regularly again.  That though, will be my present to myself.  See, running has made everything seem less awful.  When I come back from a run, life is good.  When I manage to get in a brick, life is perfect.  Suddenly the compromises and adjustments seem to be anything but.  Nothing wrong with that, in fact many people manage to be quite happy.  However, what is wrong is when the balance is missing, then one's life is just plain out of sync with the universe.

Let me explain my case:  although I am a slow runner, I never give up hope that one day I will run a 5K in under 23 minutes.  By what miracle will that happen?  Hard work, and lots and lots of fartlek.  I know I will do it one day, and I will never give up trying.  So why is it any different with my job search?  Although I have never completely given up, my search goes through fluctuations - sometimes I am an enthusiastic searcher, and other times it's just too depressing.  Unfortunately I am not one of those people who can balance everything out nicely.  I found that as time went by, I could focus more and more on running and feel less upset about each non-response I received to a job application I had made.

When I race, I anxiously check to see if the results have been posted on cool running, every 10 minutes or so.  I am elated when I find I have improved (even if it is only by 1 minute), and hugely disappointed when it's stayed the same.  I resolve to change the situation, and then on my next run, try and implement some of changes I think that will improve my performance.  This then is the approach I have decided to take with my job search, and like with running, for the moment I need to dedicate myself to it 100%.  I will let you know how the race goes on Sunday!  Hope everyone is well, and running strong.