That was then, This is Now

In 2010 I:
- Ran my first official half marathon
- Ran my first marathon
- Realised that we would be staying in the US for the next few years
- Put on 10 pounds


In 2010 I did not:
- Race regularly
- Run more than 500 miles
- Swim
- Do any triathlons
- Do any circuits
- Achieve the 1000 mile goal I signed up for with Tall Mom
- Do any Buddhist meditation for 7 months
- Challenge myself in any focussed way

If 2008 and 2009 were good fitness years, 2010 was terrible.  The turning point came after the Philadelphia marathon.  I felt pleased at finishing it, but disappointed in the poor quality of training I had put into it.  It was a relief to have it over and done with, and I immediately decided that this was my moment for starting over.  I felt that I needed to regain control over my life as I knew it, not this other alien life I seemed to be living.  And all this needed to happen independently of my circumstances.  I had become a slave to my environment, and had been allowing the external factors to shape and influence my life.  The worse part was that I did not even realize it.  My vital state was that of the state of hell, so naturally everything around me was perceived through the filter of hell.
Each year I draw up a list of goals:  they are divided into 2 main parts: goals for my life and goals for my Buddhist practice.  They are usually equal in number.  I do a check at 6 months to see how things have been coming along and what I need to improve in.  Then I check again around October as the year starts drawing to a close.  On 31 December I draw up new goals for the upcoming year.
This past year I reached 1 of the 12 goals I had set myself.  So those 11 goals will carry over to this year - they were important to me then, and they still are.  But perhaps part of the reason why I have not achieved them, was because I lived 2010 in fear.  A good example is how I started feeling panicky about swimming again, hence no triathlons.  So this year, my focus and actions will be governed by the underlying spirit of DARE: to dare to do the exact opposite of what I did last year.  
For me this is not only about challenging my limits, but also about daring to do things properly no matter what the circumstances.  To dare to be the architect of my own life and destiny - after all, isn't that why I am a Buddhist!