Monday, January 3, 2011

That was then, This is Now

In 2010 I:
- Ran my first official half marathon
- Ran my first marathon
- Realised that we would be staying in the US for the next few years
- Put on 10 pounds

In 2010 I did not:
- Race regularly
- Run more than 500 miles
- Swim
- Do any triathlons
- Do any circuits
- Achieve the 1000 mile goal I signed up for with Tall Mom
- Do any Buddhist meditation for 7 months
- Challenge myself in any focussed way

If 2008 and 2009 were good fitness years, 2010 was terrible.  The turning point came after the Philadelphia marathon.  I felt pleased at finishing it, but disappointed in the poor quality of training I had put into it.  It was a relief to have it over and done with, and I immediately decided that this was my moment for starting over.  I felt that I needed to regain control over my life as I knew it, not this other alien life I seemed to be living.  And all this needed to happen independently of my circumstances.  I had become a slave to my environment, and had been allowing the external factors to shape and influence my life.  The worse part was that I did not even realize it.  My vital state was that of the state of hell, so naturally everything around me was perceived through the filter of hell.
Each year I draw up a list of goals:  they are divided into 2 main parts: goals for my life and goals for my Buddhist practice.  They are usually equal in number.  I do a check at 6 months to see how things have been coming along and what I need to improve in.  Then I check again around October as the year starts drawing to a close.  On 31 December I draw up new goals for the upcoming year.
This past year I reached 1 of the 12 goals I had set myself.  So those 11 goals will carry over to this year - they were important to me then, and they still are.  But perhaps part of the reason why I have not achieved them, was because I lived 2010 in fear.  A good example is how I started feeling panicky about swimming again, hence no triathlons.  So this year, my focus and actions will be governed by the underlying spirit of DARE: to dare to do the exact opposite of what I did last year.  
For me this is not only about challenging my limits, but also about daring to do things properly no matter what the circumstances.  To dare to be the architect of my own life and destiny - after all, isn't that why I am a Buddhist!


  1. I love your brutal honesty. ::hugs::

    Happy New Year, girl!

  2. I love your blog -- I like how you take responsibility for your successes as well as for things you think you could have done better in.
    Happy 2011!

  3. Good luck in 2011 with the should still be proud of what you accomplished in 2010 though!

  4. I love your idea of doing the opposite of what you did last year. Life can be scary sometimes, but you're right, if you don't face the fears and show them who's boss, they'll continue to run your life rather than you doing it. Great post.

  5. Good luck for 2011 - I am sure it will be a more succesful year in terms of meeting your goals - Good Luck!

  6. I made a decision a while back to just go out and do the things I was only thinking about. It's been great and my life is much more positive overall now. You'll have a great 2011!
    The South Coast is known for its Mambas...I'll keep my eyes open.

  7. good luck your goals! this year will be better :)

    Thanks for stopping by my blog! I love the Hitchhikers guide it is such a unqige book!
    I have a partially leather couch and she likes to claw her way up it - she refuses to jump. Strange cat.

    I dont know if you know but you dont have an email listed on your profile so I couldn't send you a reply to you comment, so I posted here instead.

    Happy New Year!

  8. @Greenie: I was on a roll, and couldn't stop :-)

    @Laurie: Thank you - that is exactly what I needed to read, and I am feeling like 'me' again.

    @Abbi: I love your balance and thank you for reminding me it was not all horrid.

    @JK: In South Africa when we used to argue as kids we would say "you are not the boss of me" - I still use that phrase today, so the very words you have used have really struck me - that is exactly what I need to do.

    @Alan: Cheers, and I know you will be reaching for those stars too - maybe you just had to stand on a thorny cactus this year to reach up.

    @ Johann: Yes, that is exactly what I did, but sometimes it is easy to forget - I guess that is why reading your blog is so inspirational. You do really go out and do it - without worrying about the pofadders, mambas etc.

    @ Amber: i would agree! In fact I have started watching it again (old BBC production) from the 80s. Have you seen it? It's terrific. I wish they would show it again instead of the endless episodes of Dr Who on BBC America......

  9. Sometimes it just isn't happening but I'm sure you will make 2011 a great year and reach more goals! Know that I will be here to support you.